Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Retro 2015-23: my retrograde film After Paris

Dear friends, this is my 23rd post on annual Saturn retrograde, 2015. In uncountable posts, I have written in detail about the theoretical dynamics of Saturn retrograde, but today, I want to share a direct emotional expression of this phase. Today, I want to talk about my frozen film After Paris, which is a seeding, result, cause, origin, of  Saturn retrograde for me. And on past one month of retrospection, I feel it utterly expresses the emotional experience of  Saturn retrograde, especially from the Saturn ruled/ Saturnine perspective.

As explained in uncountable posts before and especially my page header: Saturn Retrograde, Saturn retrograde is a period for moving ahead for pitta ruled, Sun, Mars, Ketu ruled people, and a period of retrospection, regression, retrograde for Saturnine people. It's a time for brooding, stasis, static, frozen energies. And, After Paris is all about that static, brooding, heavy energy of entropy, ennui, hangover, gravitas, lethargy, contemplation, retrospection, regression that is characteristic of Saturn retrograde.

Primarily, the movie, maybe my first and last, is about my deep seated hangover, after a sudden, windfall, trip to Paris, during the peak,  concluding three weeks, the Ultra Retro phase, of Saturn Retrograde. In Ultra Retro period, Saturnines are supposed to be in a state of redemption, regression, hibernation, and stasis. But conversely, through opportune circumstances, I made a great quantum leap, a sudden windfall magic trip to Paris, in the Ultra Retro phase of Saturn Retro, 2009. The residual hangover, of which has persevered for me, across the expanse of uncountable seasons.

And, it was many years later, when my cousin Sangram Gautam took the residual footage of my 20 min film, and took it forward, we began shooting to complete it into a 30 min. But Sangrams visuals knocked at lurking emotions in my underbelly, that we and finally ended up in a full length film of 90 mins, a perfect depiction of Retrograde energies. If this is the first and last film I end up making, and if NO ONE ends up watching it, it would still leave some deep seated satisfaction for me. For it physically, graphically, and cinematically expresses the most widespread, universal, most repeating personal experience of my life. The experience of exile, entropy, alienation, isolation, ennui, the hallmark of retrograde energies.

And, in the past almost one month of gap from writing posts, I felt the hangover of this frozen movie pouring all over me. It's frozen images, depiction of deep stasis, coincide with my current experience of Saturn Retro 2015. I thought, give it a rest, from blogging, but a month later, it was too much. The piling mountains of gravitas, of retrograde energies, have compelled me with this outburst about my frozen, quite unseen movie After Paris.

This movie is about my journey, not only in THIS life, but also previous lives. A guy who was once ruled by Pitta, Sun, Mars, Ketu energies in previous incarnations, violated them severely, and now, was seeking redemption through the catharsis, window period of Saturn retrograde. That's the basic story of my life, across the continuing span of many lifetimes!!
Only through the pullback, regression, withdrawal, retrospection mandatory to all Saturnines, during Saturn retrograde, could I ever hope to crawl out of this mess, this piled up garbage heap of many pending lifetimes.

And, at this hour on intense retrograde, what better time than now, to truly express the (retrograde) story of my life. Why I am, the way I am at 41 years, today, still. Frozen, in time, in stasis, in a coccoon of wrapped up entanglements. The movie, is a artistic and personal catharsis, a unravelling of the retrograde energies entangled with my life. My personal, astrological, karmic, story.
For, you can write and write, but a movie expresses it far more better, than you ever could hope to. For, in the unfolding process of this movie, things happened, events unfolded, that gave it shape, meaning, grammar, characters, and contents. The movie, more or less created itself out of saturn retrograde energies, I was merely the medium.

They are true, when they say, hell, heaven, paradise and damnation, all are here, on earth in this mundane physical existence. The only illusion being, we don't see the continuing journey across many lifetimes. Taking our current existence.
So, in the end I dedicate the retrograde spirit of my film After Paris, to a track by semi unknown, genius musical composer O' Bryan, especially to the haunting bass line of his song, (click the youtube link)- Soft Touch by O' Bryan.
And to the last concluding lines, from my favourite poem "An Irish Airman Foresees his Death" by W. .B. Yeats...

Nor public men, nor cheering crowds ( to spur us onwards)..
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.