Friday, October 3, 2014

Log 03: my Saturnine film "After Paris"

As my regular periodical habit, and as with my other two blogs, today I have modified this blog Saturnine's description to "Blog about the journeys, experiences, processes, and karmic lessons of Shanidev/ Saturn." I think Shanidev/ Saturn is completely about gradual processes, long journeys,  and long brewing experiences. It's always a slow gradual unfolding with Shanidev/ Saturn. A slow unfolding journey in which we have many Karmic revelations and lessons to learn. Out of the ten names of Saturn one is "mand" which means slow/ gradual. And I think the Saturnine  experience/ process is a unwinding, spiraling, serpentine journey. It's one of gradual unfolding, development. I would compare the Saturnine path with "sahaja" yoga. Our will/ focus/ actions are ruled by the Sun, and they are hot/ live/ central to our consciousness. But often their effects are peripheral, tangential, delayed consequences are gradual build ups on the periphery, edges, which are ruled by Shanidev/ Saturn. With Saturn, the harvests are long term, gradual, peripheral and tangential. 

Few days I had wanted to write and upload a post on my Neptunian blog, about my first full length film After Paris-(click link) which I had been working and wrapping up in the past two months. But somehow sat on the decision, out of pure Saturnine lethargy for a few days. And here I am posting about it on my Saturnine blog. Because I feel, at the end of it, After Paris is a highly Saturnine film about my own gradual, Karmic, personal journey over a very long period of time. A period of time in which I underwent many uncountable karmic unfoldings and experiences.

I had actually shot the Paris footage whimsically in my Paris trip of 2009, with my wife Sangeeta. And mad a rough narrative into a 20 minute structure in windows media player on my old outdated computer. Over the years I re-edited the 20 minute film many times over in different structures and formats. But then left it for a looong time to stew, and brew on my ancient, outdated computer. It was only in 2014, when my cousin Sangram Gautam (Bubka), suddenly took an interest in wrapping up the long stewing film on his editing setup. I began by shooting some scenes with him, to create up a five minute sequence to wrap up the 20 minute film. But so much I loved the cinematography and visual grammar of cousin Sangram, that I/ we went on and on, and on. Finally, we ended up with a full length 90 min, one and half hour, full length, video feature film. One which I personally feel, comprehensively and thoroughly depicted my karmic exiles, serpentine journeys, karmic odyessy over a vastre expanse of years. I feel After Paris perfectly describes my association, depiction and dedication to the word Saturnine. And, even if one person can relate to  the Saturnine experience, journey, slow brewing experience depicted in the film, I have found great personal fulfillment. Thanks to all those who accompanied me in the process.

Jai Shanidev!!

Friday, July 11, 2014

Saturn Retro 2014: Epilogue

11th July 2014: Even though Saturn Retro gets over only on 21st July, the effects of it have concluded on 8th July, officially. After that for the saturnine, it's a strange return to reality/ release. But in minor installments. There is a definitely a radical shift from extreme theory. Into the domain of real situations things and events.
But it's not a seamless transformation. But in a series of jagged edges, jumps, etc. Slowly in packets. But definitely there is a reversal. A reversal of the resultant void, aftermath of the Paris trip of 2009. Where there was sheer void in 2009, now in 2014, some spurts, of random activity are mushrooming all over, randomly. Random bursts of haphazard activity. From which I'm in gratitude. Jai Shanidev!

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Ultra Retro 2014 continued, part 2

... (cont'd from  previous post) ...

The Noise of Retrograde Writing
5th July, 2014: So the narrative of Saturn retrograde's Ultra Retro phase, an acute phase of retrograde energies continues on. I type here in black and white and it gets posted in my blog in purple letters in a black background. The instant transformation of the narrative account of recording history. The layers and layers of words sacrificed in description of Saturn retrograde, seem to have simply diminished into this tapestry of purple letters floating in the black, night sky background. So many layers of descriptions, narratives, about/ on Saturn Retrograde. Instantly fossilizing and freezing into ancient relics on stone. must be the most deconstructive, dissemination of writing ever. Like, how Derrida describes in ON Grammatology, about the act of writing. One hand is writing out the letters, and the other hand continually erasing them, in one constant motion. So many personal thoughts, visceral oozing, private, visceral, nightmarish emotions. All but instantly frozen in this purple black blog, to be forgotten forever. The erasure of writing, of deconstruction, in action. The domains of virtual, theoretical, inward, thought. Ideas for ideating itself. Dissemination, a dispersal, a seeding that bears no fruit. Purple word floating like ghosts, in a starry black background of this blog.

The Primordial Noise
I tried to read the previous posts on Ultra retro, and I couldn't read or understand anything. So very dense, outpouring of words. Like a madman's rupture, everything flowing all at once. So much theory, direct narration, direct uploading, instant expression. Accurate, honest, instant digital snaps/ images/ narratives, but too much of it! So everything disappearing into background noise. I quote Zizek in his book Metastases of Taste describing the background noise in the films of David Lynch... "The modern notion of the 'open' universe is based on the hypotheses that every positive entity (noifo, matter) occupies some empty space. But the primordial nose, which is the last remainder of the Big Bang, is part of space itself. It is not a noise in space, but a noise that keeps space itself open. If we were to erase this 'noise' we would not get empty space that the noise filled out. space itself would vanish. This is the noise of the sound of silence. The fundamental noise in Lynch's films is not simply caused by objects, but rather this noise forms the ontological horizon, the frame of reality itself. the very texture that holds reality together. If this noise were to be eradicated, reality itself would collapse". This fundamental noise, the noise of the void, that exists even prior to empty space itself is Ketu energy, or Dhumavati the void. Dhumavati the void/ noise exists even prior to Bhubaneswari the space. I have Ketu conjunct Saturn in my 9th house of Karma. saturn keeps debilitated Ketu in somewhat check, but during annual Saturn Retrograde, saturn's powers are inverted/ withdrawn, and this primordial noise comes to full bloom. This visceral underlying karmic chaos is ordinarily checked by Shanidev, but not during the Retrograde phase of Saturn.
All these conceptions of Dhumavati, Ketu, Bhubaneswari, all are coming to me in this inner meditation, stagnation, extreme regression of Saturn retrograde. In Ultra Retro, 2009, all awareness, underlying insights had been sacrificed for pure glee of unrestricted heavenly movement in Paris. And in this Ultra Retro, today, movement has been postponed and I'm drowning in lethargy, and this sacrificed movement/ motion has been exchanged by the grace of Shanidev with spontaneous insights/ observations/ philosophy/ and knowledge. Jai Shanidev.

5th July, Saturday, 11:09 pm: The second half of the day was so utterly empty, unimaginably quiet, unravelling. As if in a great force to inverse/ itself to it's corresponding eventful second half, of Mayday, Ultra Retro 2009. The rush and drive of adrenalin of that time, seem to have completely reversed itself in my current state of inertia, lethargy, and sheer stagnation. That state of of 1st May, 2009, Ultra Retro's maximum movement and minimum thought has completely inverted itself in it's corresponding day today, where I'm drowning in maximum thought and almost next to zero movement. In fact, am drowning in an endless layer of thoughts, readings, writings, analyses, investigations, ruminations, second thoughts, third thoughts, thoughts of thoughts, analysis of analyses! A far cry, and diametrically opposite reversal of Mayday at Paris, Ultra retro, 2009. A day full of incredibly bustling events, carnivals, demonstrations, movements, adrenaline rushes, et all. And, in contrast, today i sink in eternal solitude, stillness, quietude, frozen in exile, postponement of action indefinitely. But deep inside even though not viscerally, there's an internal satisfaction of the saturnine function of things being fruitfully fulfilled in this acute phase of Ultra retro 2014. unlike the in-voluntary gross mistakes of Ultra Retro 2009. Then, was a day of unforeseen activity, movement, unbelievable adrenalin rush, unimaginable centre of energy and vortex on a global scale. Now, was a day of unforeseen stagnation, fossilized stillness, an unbelievable stupor of lethargy, cast out in an unimaginable far off margin of void, stillness and despondent gloom, in a narrow swampy corner of personal backwaters. Lord Shanidev having done his laws of reversal, I've merely to write the description of Ultra retro 2009, copy paste the sentence, and reverse the words to their opposite antonyms, to get an exact description of this current time of Ultra retro 2014. Magical reversals of the Ultra retro phase!

11:28 p.m, Then, i drowned, immersed myself completely and whole heartedly in movement, action, and external exploration. Now, I'm drowned, and immersed completely and whole heartedly in stagnation, thought, inward regression and internal exploration. By this late hour, then, I must have been exhausted but still, being the last night in Paris, still in a rush of great adrenalin, energetically set out for photographing the night streets of Paris. Today, by this late hour, I'm so utterly restless, quivering and oozing from ultra restless energies. Yet, I'm strangely exhausted, drained from all these internal, regressive, restrictive energies. Just somehow, waiting to cross and wrap up this long and exhausting unfolding process of Ultra Retro 2014. Then, Mayday 2009, whole day, I was in movement, yet at night, out for a last campaign of exploration. Now, 2014, whole day I was in sheer stagnation, yet at night, strangely exhausted, heavy, and drowning in lethargy!!! Inversions, inversions!

SUPERGO and the ID: That Mayday night, 2009, in Paris, I was out, on Parisian streets, clicking endless photographs of Friday night. I was the Dionysian reveler, enthralled in the throes of a primal exploratory rush, a hunger to capture and preserve the fleeting moments of opportunity rapidly passing by. My Ego was completely bypassed by the full adrenalin rush and full activation of the Id, the hungry Dionysian impulse. Tonight, correspondingly and inversely, I'm inside, in this chamber, reading, studying, collecting data, potential energy, personal thoughts, voluntarily cut off from everything and everybody. Letting the postpone activity slide by, dwelling inwards. A strange inertial compulsion, almost obscene desire to follow through the regime of stagnation, compression, restriction to submit to the Supergo of restrictive discipline. The voice of the Superego which holds us in control. Submit to the strange and uncalled for potential of the parental, restrictive voice of the Superego, dwelling within each one of us. and for me, this Superego, is currently multiplied manifolds, because of Ultra retro energies.

6th July Sunday.  That corresponding day of Ultra Retro namely 2nd May 2009 was our last day in Paris. a day of ultra movement of seizing the last few drops of this magical Roman holiday.  Conversely, this Now/ today was a great downslide into extreme stagnation. And strange desperation inverse of the positive desparation of 2009. Desparation inversed!!
Later as we made our way to the airport to return home, a strange desperation and foul mood cast itself over us. And that brooding void that long journey to the airport has been
 recorded as the main theme footage of my film After Paris. Somehow even amidst the sourbitter mood I had the presence of mind to record ourselves. For wwhat would become the inspiring and core footage for what was to become an entire film over the course of years. Inversely, conversely, in the later part of today, I was taken by Adil to a food festival at Last gate field, , six miles. The stall owners were Adils friend and we even donated the crabs earlier bought at the Sunday Beltola bazaar. As opposed to the sheer and acute void of that return trip,  here I was drowning in major luscious ness, abundance, magical Dionysian reverly in the oozing jouissance of magical home town Guwahati,  maybe the theme of my next pic, if heaven permits. We were joined by Childhood friend Sanjit and what turned into a sheer visceral magical evening.
Later in 2nd May 2009, as we finally boarded the flight after a dark, brooding, void, foul,  sour bitter mood ( all faithfully recorded), the temporary anti gravity was re established. Conversely now, Sunday, we were a bit in gutter level gravitas of home town Guwahati.

7th July,  2014. Hopefully the last day of Ultra Retro 2014. In ultra Retro 2009, on the corresponding last day of Ultra Retro,  3rd May whole day we were transitting thru Dubai airport,  before finally reaching New Delhi at 5pm.  Today in inverse in the raw, visceral, ambience of backwaters of home town Guwahati.  Dubai airport artificially airconditioned was the only saving grace against the ghoulish desert outside.  In converse the a/c in my friends room was a bit too much even if to fight the humidity.  I was sniffling with a cold. Dubai in contrast to the Parisian trip felt so suspended and virtual.  And now this morning waking up at Bishnu Rabha path feels so visceral. Raw beyond imagining. And on the news, some extremely viscreal live footage. Of peoples illegal housing around Bharalu river being demolished by GMC, police, army. This is a necessary moved to decongest the Bharalu river causing floods in the city. Yet this visceral Raw mega drama around Bharalu river at hometown guwahati isso oozing human vvisceral  turbulence as opposed to the sterile, contained ambience of Dubai airport. The Saturnine contrast is so magical.  Also yesternight I went to meet childhood friend Baba at his Gwhy club adda, who was evasive and later smsd me an accusatory message also indicating end of friend ship. Today I, m trying to flush it out of my system,  emotionally. Yet in 3rd May I was trying desparately to HANG ON TO the Parisian trip. To the residues of an unimaginably magical Trip. And NOW here I am, trying desparately to get over an unimaginable and nightmarish period. Also, in Dubai airport I was still abstaining from my then prolific habit of journal writing.  Some how trying desparately to HANG ON to the Parisian state of mind!!!! And NOW here I am trying desparately to ooze out thru cathartic writing,  the last vestiges of this ghoulish and Dis-real unbecoming. I borrowed my friend s tab and debarring him from calls, typing letter by singular letter in my long lost forgotten habit of retrograde blogging. Adim 2009 roaming thru Dubai airport trying to spend the last remaining EURos  at the airport shops. Remember having bought Hits of Stevie Wonder and Chicago. Adim 2014 having strong haldi daal in backwaters of Hometown Guwahati sitting in a corner typing out the words of this narrative letter by singular letter. THEN 2009 was a havenly weather artificial ly maintained from the ghoulish desert heat outside. NOW 2014 It's raining outside and the lighting is magical but I'm inside in the shadowy lair churning out my guts.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Ultra Retro 2014, continued..

(cont'd from previous post)..

4th July, friday, 2014
Even though the blogging medium allows heavily updated posts to be easily scrolled down, but personally I felt too many layers/ concepts were going into the post. almost making it feel like a burgeoning vertical tower, on the teetering edge of collapse. hence, this new post in continuation. And now on with the overtly serpentine descriptions mandatory for a saturnine during saturn retrograde..

Territory during Saturn Retrograde
Remember the story where a wise king donates land as a reward to a greedy person. he is mounted on horseback, and is given a flag to mark his territory. but the condition being he has to return by sundown back to the staring point, to consolidate his gift. but the greed inside the person pushes him, on and on. to cover more and more land and territory. but ultimately he doesn't make it back by sundown. Saturn retrograde is exactly like this. For the Sun ruled, to mount their horses, go forward, and mark AS MUCH territory as possible, and return to base, by 7th july, this year. And for the saturnine person, to cover as much inner backwaters, non-place, non- territory, as possible!  Napoleons waterloo was a classic example of this. He was saturnine and should have stayed put. Brooding silently over inner ruminations until retrograde was over.
Reversal of 30th April, thursday, 2009
Today, 4th July, Friday, 2014, on the saturn retrograde graph,  represents the reversal of 30th april, thursday, 2009. i had woken up with energy, the earlier day i had visited the Louvre, thoroughly, completely, even though hastily towards the end before closing time. to cover as much solar territory as possible. but after i woke up, i still didn't have any craving to update my journals about Louvre etc, a habit which was prolific with me, then. but on the contrary, now, today, i wake up and over update this and the previous post with overloaded, overtly descriptive, serpentine updates, contemplations, brooding, ruminations etc, etc. The morning has expanded itself in its silence. from the early morning, i'm hacking away at the keyboard. the imbalance of drowning myself in the solar rush of Being, in 2009, is being compensated, recompensed by this excessively descriptive writing of inner landscapes, regression and physical redemption.
BUT, one thing i distinctly remember, that the waking up in that Parisian "Hotel California" of all names, was queasy, uncomfortable. The days had gone by in furtive activity, and now, this sudden empty morning was highly uncomfortable, as a gap from the buzz, high of the Parisian explorations. I couldn't handle to face my own being, inner brooding landscape, the gnawing inside, of the saturnine conscience. Of being in seventh heaven during ultra retro. and that too when my astro guru T.N Sarma had passed away exactly on 13th april, 2009. the nagging, gnawing, conscience of the "tell tale heart", ( my favourite horror tale by Poe) was working away within, in the silence, void, emptiness of the morning interiors of the Hotel California ( of all the possible names in the universe, that too, in Paris!!!).
THEN, the virtual projection of Paris was strong, yet, it couldn't bear the close self examination of self analysis. NOW the regression, inward implosion is weak, vague, but it INVITES the close, and acute self analysis, self examination necessary for saturn retrograde. I'm fully at one with the gravitas, and shunning away the public light as much as possible. refraining from dazzling displays of outward exploration, and forward thinking. an activity reserved to the Sun ruled during this period until 7th July. Trying to plumb as much depths as possible, into the deep recesses of my self. Plumbing the brooding gravitas necessary for this period.
The Parisian hotel bed was silky, luxurious, yet due to ultra retro there was something hollow, synthetic, an indescribable lurking emptiness within. a tell tale sign of hollowness. hiding beneath a subtle layer of instinctive guilt. but now, sprawled on the mattress on my friend drawing room, hacking away at the keyboard, reconstruct scenes from the memories of inner viscera, feels unnervingly real, gnawing, visceral. examining each and every fibre of this viscous mess regurgitated from the innards of my belly. then, 2009, found me in a strange withdrawal from my prolific daily habit of journal writing. And, NOW, a strange relapse, regression into my now bygone habit of journal writing. And also into my philosophical, serpentine brooding meanderings.
truly, the experience of that Parisian morning of 2009, doesn't have a journal entry, but only the testimony and mapping of my memory, my brain. viscera, body, guts as a memory device, instead of the brain. the ooze, viscera, guts by certain sensations within, remember and reconstruct scenarios much clearly and vividly.
Some memories are resurfacing from retro 2012, a year in which i considerably suspended my saturn retrograde observations. i guess, these memories are directly resurfacing from the visceral, gut memory. I had violated saturn retro involuntarily then. to pay a heavy price later. even if we do not note them down, they remain written heavily and irrevocably. I'm like a buffalo now, the vehicle of Shanidev, regurgitating chewed grass from my belly innards. chewing the cud. mulling acutely over long crossed over grounds. the physical experience of this exact emotion seems so satisfying. within. inside your deepest innards. and especially, more so, as I'm using this mechanical, serpentine, roundabout medium for this narrative. chronicling. and the physical posture of doing so, lying on my belly, on this mattress, hacking away at this keyboard, as opposed to strange discomfort, alien strangeness, i found from the texture of that luxurious, silky, european hotel bedsheets. if it wasn't Ultra retro, those silky sheets would have inspired something diametrically opposed to strange alienation. myself being Libran ascendant, with Venus in my ascendant.

4th July, 1:35 pm. As if in magical correspondence, the events are almost automatically reversing themselves with the day of 30th April, 2009. Signified by natural breakouts, contagions, contradictions, breakouts, fallouts, as opposed to the super smooth seamless contradictions of the Parisian Thursday. These are the magical inversions, reversals of Saturnine retrograde. The challenge of this phase is to surrender one's ego. Actually undo, deconstruct one's ego structure. The very Zizekan condition of the double bind, the condition/ possibility of the fast buck, the semi-legal lure is the trap for the con man to conduct his scheme upon you. If we Saturnine people can appropriate this double bind to this phase, using the adage "Heads you can't win, tails you Lose". Initiating Self surrender to double negativity is the only way to address this complex Ultra retro phase of Saturn retrograde. The Titanic of our heart has to collide with the iceberg on schedule, and voluntarily sink. We have to voluntarily submit to scheduled defeat, retraction, retreat during this phase. Create scheduled disappointment, a sinking of the heart, so that we may transcend our karmic horrors and the trap of our super ego. Super ego, is the parental voice of authority within ourselves, which criticises and belittles us constantly, from moving out of the cocoon of our personal entrapment. And, experiencing Gravitas/ sinking of the heart during Saturn Retrograde, is the ONLY way to  transcend the entrapment of this personal Super Ego! This is the hardest pill to digest during this acute phase. The experience of Gravitas.

Ego, Super ego, Id during Saturn Retrograde
After discussion with friend Kaushik Bhaumik about the triad of the psychological self, and comparing with my astrological observations, I could conclude that there is an important transaction between the psychological components of Ego, Super ego, Id during Saturn Retrograde, especially it's three week Ultra Retro phase. Normally, a healthy Ego lies in the middle balanced between the puritanical, prude, prohibitive, conservative parental authority of the Super ego and the wild, permissive, liberal, indulgent, Dionysian wild child of the Id.
All the Sun ruled people should pamper their wild child, Id as much as possible during this phase. Like young birds being incessantly fed in their nest, continually hungry and ravished. This is very vital for the Solar/ Sun ruled, as this time of spiritual nourishment can later all kind of flights, departures, combative vitality to balance an excessively constrictive Super ego.
Conversely all the Saturn ruled people should explore/ activate their Super Ego as much as possible during this phase. Like a bowstring being pulled back, this pullback of the Dionysian Id by the Super Ego is very vital for the healthy Saturnine personae, as this time of restriction/ pullback/ withdrawal naturally manifests release, relief, resolution, once saturn goes directional.
And this doesn't come easily neither to the Sun or Saturn ruled. The Sun ruled would face all kinds of barricades by the Super ego, to restrict their feeding of the nestling Id. And the Saturn ruled people, the Saturnines, would be tempted by al kinds of Dionysian release, indulgences, orgiastic ruptures. So, both categories should try to understand the speciality of this phase and ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Nightmares and Dreamscapes: The Dis-real and the Unreal of Saturn Retrograde
Today, after completing the earlier paragraph dedicated to Super Ego, etc, I was reading through Zizeks "Metastases of Enjoyment" where one chapter was titled as Default of the Superego. Later, in Chapter 5, titled "David lynch and the Female Depression",  Zizek begins talking about the Unreal and the Disreal. My earlier acquaintance with the Unreal v.s the Dis-real was in Roland Barthes book Lovers Discourse, where he talks in detail about this two distinctions. In short, the Unreal can be said to be suspended, virtual reality, a hologram sort of thing, a magical dreamscape etc. And the Disreal can be said to be the Underbelly of things, the dark underside, visceral insides.  
In short, all Sun ruled people should try to access the domain of the Unreal during the three week Ultra Retro phase of Saturn retrograde. Try to access your wildest dreams, desires, go for the golden gate, to break into a higher level. And those, Saturnine people like me, it's a karmic period. Where you access the zones of the nightmarish Disreal. The visceral underbelly of things. 

This period of Disreality experienced by the Saturnine during Ultra retro has been well described by Zizek in his aforementioned chapter  "David Lynch and the Female Depression". Especially in light of a sudden spurt of nightmarish happenings experienced by my wife, all reported today to me over the phone. A/C breakdown, flush crash, increasing arthritis in her knee suddenly accelerating, and other ghoulish events all at once. This phenomenon has two Saturnine reasons. Firstly, obviously, the reversal of the Paris trip during Ultra Retro 2009.  Secondly, retrograde Saturn is in my ascendant, Libra, directly aspecting my 7th house of wife/ partner. This retrograde aspect is creating a ghoulish karmic purging, acute Disreality in the 7th house of wife/ partner.
I quote some excerpts from Zizeks chapter... 
"What we encounter.. (in disreality).. is simply the body stripped of it's skin. Let us recall the uncaniness , even disgust, we experience when we endeavour to imagine what goes on, just under the surface of a beautiful naked body- muscles, organs, veins..."
In normal times, for the Saturnine,  relating to the body/ world implies a suspending of what goes on beneath the surface. During Ultra retro, this suspension is removed, and the Real beneath is exposed, as Zizek puts it.. " the flayed body, the palpitation of the raw skinless flesh'! Ghoulish indeed! and "ghoulish" is a word I'm excessively using during the past few weeks of Ultra retro phase. 

The unreality of the Parisian trip, ultra 2009, is being corresponded by a diammetrical opposite Dis reality, this years ultra retro 2014. A peeling away of the surface skin to expose and reveal the ghoulish viscreal, underbelly within our normal life. The ghoulish face of "true" reality that becomes intolerable to bear. Like the Unreality is difficult to embrace, the TRUE Disreality lurking benetah the layers of our daily existence and which is impossible to resist/ negate. So ghoulish is the right word here!

Demonic Inversions 
5th July, Saturday. From yesterday noon itself, I've begun to experience the ghoulish Disreal, as mentined in the previous heading. From yesterday, the Paris trip of Ultra retro 2009 must have moved into a heavenly high, and hence this equivalent demonic inversion, in this Ultra Retro 2014. Since some days now, for no apparent reasons, I've been heavily using the word "ghoulish" as a response to various situations. But now, the word "ghoulish" has begun manifesting in my experiences. Usually, it's always the inverse with Saturnines, i.e, repetaedly expressed spoken words, ideas act like a hex, talisman and always reverse themselves, in reality. That's why, saturnines usually use negative words, connotations for positive results. BUT, this is Ultra Retro phase of Saturn Retrograde, where Saturn is severely and acutely reversed, so it's a predominantly Solar period. Hence, words in my mind , my thoughts are actually manifesting. Adding to the already redemptive, purgative process. The word "ghoulish" is easily transmuting into real situations. The evisceration mentioned in the earlier heading has begun. The demonic annual purge has begun with incredible force. And the exact REVERSE for the Sun ruled. To reach out to the most incredible dreams. For the next 24 hrs. In case someone is reading this, do use it. But I DON'T think anyone is!
Disreality, David Lynch and H. P. Lovecraft
5th, July, Saturday. Today's becoming an exact reverse of the corresponding day of Ultra Retro 2009, the highest peak of the Parisian Trip, 1st May, Mayday, 2009. Mayday celebrations in Paris, vast crowds, demonstrations, marches, etc, spontaneous carnivals on the Parisian streets. It was like a resurrection of a revolution. And the women drummers band marching along the streets, unimaginable. And it's reverse today, a ghoulish un-becoming, unravelling of the being. But NOT as entry to nightmare realm, or becoming a nightmare, but rather un-becoming of a dream, a reversal of fortune. Where the nightmarish reality, the raw visceral Dis-real of the truth exists as a precondition of reality, of truth, of our existence. The concept of the Dis-real is that nightmare or chaos as a PRECONDITION of the universe. As an underlying state of ACTUAL ghoulish reality. And ultra retro pulls back this layer of surface skin for all Saturnines, revealing the ghoulish underlying reality beneath. And this profound existential horror stems from this understanding, comprehension of this underlying existential. which is the basic premise of s.f, horror writer, H.P. Lovecraft, who's monstrous alien race Chthulhu exists as the underlying bedrock of humanity, and civilisation. NOT a faraway alien race invading humanity, but an inverse, an ghoulish alien race existing in the very underlying foundation of the human existence.
ASTROLOGICALLY: For me, I identify very strongly with this underlying horror at the roots of existence, as in my birth horoscope Saturn is conjunct with debilitated Ketu in my 9th house of fate, karma, dharma. And Ketu has been a source of a lot of my problems. And more so, as currently retrograde Saturn in my ascendant Libra is directly opposing Ketu located in Aries. As this oppositional, karmic, ghoulish champion of the Disreal Ketu, is also conjunct with my natal Mars + Moon in Aries. Creating ghoulish nightmares from allies, partners, wife, coalitions. But in an involuntary and Karmic way. Why karmic? Because in ultra retro 2009, i succumbed to the temptation and joined wife on the sudden windfall of the Paris trip on her work assignment to Paris. In Saturn retrograde, the highest sin is saying "yes" when you actually, want to say "no".
NEWS FLASH: my friend just announces that today Orkut, the famous social networking site of yore has been officially closed. And I began "Orkutting" exactly on Dec 19th, 2007, when Saturn went Retrograde. And today, in this particular date of acute Retrograde, it's snuffed out of existence. That's what i call Saturnine reversal. And my friends are saying that it died because of overproduction, over demand, from the Indian subcontinent. Just a signage, on this long winding serpentine road of saturn Retrograde.
5th July, saturday, 2014, 12:30 p.m, it's become increasingly stagnant, ghoulish, acutely regressive for me. Check this link: Saturn-retro-2013-72-paris-reversed-04.html , where in my previous session of Retro 2013, I have narrated the reversal of the Mayday of Paris, in Ultra retro 2013. This time, today, as we approach the moment of the actual carnival, magic, etc, i reflexively, and inversely ooze with fear about the probable nightmarish inversion of that moment. This is powerful karmic saturnine function at work. And the results are physical, manifest, and very very REAL! in fact.. Dis-REAL!!

Noon, 5th, July, Saturday. 1:08pm An exact reverse of the corresponding noon of Ultra Retro 2009, 1st May, Mayday, 2009. Then, from the privacy of our individual spaces we entered the Mayday celebrations in Paris, merged with the flowing vast crowds, demonstrations, marches, etc, carnivals on the Parisian streets. Now, I'm retracting into the void, quiet, the cold dead silence, the still and stagnant backwaters. Now, is the aftermath of the carnival, great fiesta, great gig in the sky! At least, this particular Noon, completely reversing itself in the Ultra Retro, 2014, is giving some actual physical confirmation into the retrograde reversal process. Then, 2009, was an entry into a mass Dionysian revelry, celebration of the child, the Id. And, Now, 2014 is an entry into a cold, stark, parental, cold, domain of the authoritative Superego. It's like a schoolteacher coming into the playground to say, "playtime's over, get back to your classes"!! The fun, carnivalesque, merrymaking of the Dionysian Id is over, get back to the grind, the void, the cold, harsh, void of the real.
Since, three days now the corresponding days of Ultra Retro 2014, has magically reversed themselves with the Parisian Trip of Ultra retro 2009. In discrete increments, levels, installments, layers, and steps. The graph is actually reversing itself step by step, level by level. The contrast of the dead silence of this Noon, with the fun filled, merrymaking of the Mayday noon of Paris, 2009. Streets filled with Unreal amounts of crowds, throbbing, demonstrating, pulsating, merrymaking, sounds of protest, dialogues, slogans over microphone, revellers, performers, musicians, etc etc. And now, in contrast the cold, harsh, surgical silence of Hod. The sharp, cold qualities usually and wrongly associated with Saturn. For us Saturn ruled, no other wholesome, warmer, benevolent, and loving God than Shanidev. And, no other harsher time than saturn retrograde, a time of withdrawn/ inverted/ reversed saturnine energies. A time when we experience the cold harsh authoritative silence of the Superego.  What Zizek calls.. " A Voice that Skins the Body". A silence, sharp, eviscirating surgical sharpness of the cold, hard, parental, judgmental Superego. Ghoulish! Ghoulish! Fuck you Superego! This is my appropriate Saturnine sacrifice in Ultra Retro 2014, to loosen your stranglehold, to loosen your suffocating knot upon my neck!! Jai Shanidev! Hence, this voluntary and strategic experience of the Superego during this acute period of Ultra retro.
Zizek, writes about this in David Lynch's depiction of the Disreal, the Superego in his films... "How, then, does Lynch perturb our most elementary phenomenological relationship to the bodily surface? By means of voice, of a word that "kills", breaking through the skin surface to cut directly into raw flesh- in short, by means of a word whose status is that of the Real.." This kind of sharp, surgical, eviscerating, voice/ blade/ medium definitely sounds Plutonine, Martian, Sun like, Ketu like, as they are the pitta planets of sharp and harsh surgery. Most of my killing voice comes from someone who has Pluto in the 3rd house of Virgo, expression, and ruled by Mercury, communication, voice, expression. This correlates with my own Sun Pluto Mercury Uranus in Virgo in the 12th house, as a harsh, nightmarish, karmic debt that I owe to this cosmic killing voice. By listening to this killing eviscerating voice of the Disreal, of the cold harsh judgmental Superego, I clear my own Karmas of the 12th house, by the excessive crowd of Pluto, Sun, Mercury, Uranus in Virgo, my 12th house of Karmic debts. Especially by listening and experiencing it in this super karmic, and highly purgative Ultra saturn retro phase.
What happened by my (in)-voluntary violations of Ultra retro 2009 and 2012? I violated the most acute period of purgation and hence once Saturn went directional, created long durations of repetitive monsters over a prolonged period of time. Over the most period of the entire remaining year. I (in)-voluntarily spawned demonic apparitions, what Zizek describes as..  "instead of the usual self- transparency, and self presence, the (karmic) voice, we get the obscene, cruel, super-egotistical, incomprehensible, impenetrable, traumatic dimension of the Voice, which functions as a kind of (ghoulish, monstrous, alien) foreign body perturbing the balance of our lives!!" Being Libran ascendant, i can totally and completely understand this horrific "imbalance".
Since childhood, I have experienced this cold, authoritarian, disciplinarian, harsh, surgical, critical, demeaning, slicing voice of this Superego. The manifestation of the severely karmic Sun+ Pluto+ Mercury+ Uranus in my 12th house of Virgo!! This eviscerating and killing Voice.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Ultra Retro 2014: 13th June- 7th July

(contd from previous post)....

28th June Saturday 
In the previous post I wrote about tradition of regression during the three week Ultra retro phase by saturnine people. My return to hometown Guwahati is happening amidst massive floods. Our neighbourhood  in Zoo Tiniali at Santi path submerged underwater. Rumour has it that Congress stopped clearing the municipal drains after BJP came to power. One way or the people end up suffering. Not to mention that the train I was supposed to be travelling on Monday got derailed at Bihar, 11 injured, 4 dead. At least I reached alive. Even though after a lot of delays and detours. Feeling so severely disoriented at having not reached home as yet. Nomadic existence. But such is the disorientation mandatory for all Saturnine ie Saturn ruled people during Saturn retrograde especially during the three weeks of concluding phase of Ultra Retro. I find repeatedly explaining the same thing over and over so tiresome. But what to do, after all it's a standard feature of Saturn retrograde.Last time I was home about three weeks back for the shraddh ceremony of my cousin Ahir, I had to return back in merely three days on account of a robbery in our Delhi resident. Right now I feel like I'm reliving and repeating the same time loop over and over again. The perfect hallmark of Saturn retrograde!!!

The programme for the next few days is to regress backwards in time and also appropriate the Gravitas energy so natural for the Saturnine person. Hence, even though I'm technically in my home are, there's a inherent displacement, disconnect happening because of the flood situation. And the dehydration begun in the scorching heat of Delhi. The dehydration had the tenacity to crossover from scorching summer to flood besotted tropical nightmare. That's the resilience natural for Ultra Retro. This super continuity of dehydration. Moreover, this semi conscious zombie like stupor I'm in is continuing from past ten days. All Saturnine people should engage in maximum Gravitas, brooding, stillness during these few days. Momentum, movement, should be restricted to the Sun ruled for now.  I want to exercise maximum activities to the archival, theoretical, observational modes as opposed to actual and real movement. Voluntary regression.

28th June- 2nd July  
Since I didn't have continual access to the net these past few days, hence have decided to club together the narratives from 28th June to 2nd July. 28th June, Saturday evening found me regressing back into the depths of Meghalaya, the abode of clouds, directly into NEIGRHMS hospital, where we had to admit a friend of ours Kaushik Bhaumik, for palpitation, and suffocation, directly into the ICCU, cardiography. This Saturn retrograde force was so strong that we almost directly bypassed hometown Guwahati into overnight duty at the ICCU, Cardio, Neigrhms, in the far recesses of Meghalaya. Sunday was involved in check ups, hospital formalities, tests, etc, and evening was spent in resting from our appointed works.

2nd July, Wednesday, was a direct inverse of Tuesday, 28th April, 2009, which was my first day in Paris alone, exploring a foreign land for the first time ever. That corresponding day of Ultra retro 2009, Paris trip was reversed by this 1st July, Wednesday, some major psychological counselling, investigation, a kind of impromptu conference on the self at the victorian Pinewood hotel at Shillong. It was the Paris trip completely reversed, in a highly internalised way. The European/ Parisian connection was there, but completely and utterly geometrically inverted, retrograded, reversed. That day, in 2009, was a fantastic moment of OUTWARD voyage, of Venturing out from the internal trappings of the self. This day, now was was a rupture, an implosive moment of INWARD voyage, of delving into the Innerspace of incomprehensible territories and negotiations of the psyche/ self. Thanks to inputs from the analysis of a now recovering Kaushik Bhaumik. Such acute symmetric inversion is only possible during the acute phase of Ultra Retro of saturn retrograde. For the intuited observer, time actually replays itself during this period, reversing itself, creating a shadow symmetrical opposite/ inverse, of prior solar behaviour of prior saturn retrograde phases from earlier years. This is the only period in the year, when the saturn ruled person can actually re-experience history being repeated and replayed. But often in a symmetrical inverse of earlier events occurring in the corresponding days of Ultra Retro of relevant years. What's remarkable is that the Solar behaviour, Paris Trip of 2009, has persistently continued to cast it's shadow inversions, in now what is the 6th successive year, in saturn Retrograde, 2014. Drawing an analogy to this can help one understand the repetitive cyclic loops created by malefic planets in prior times. And how we can exorcise, undo their effects, influences only in cyclic layers, over periods of time!!

3rd July, Thursday  
This date corresponds to 29th April, Wednesday, 2009, the day i visited Louvre museum. A day of PENETRATION into the treasure trove of the worlds greatest arts. And today, Thursday, 3rd July, by a symmetrically corresponding inverse, a descent/ RETRACTION from the cloudy womb of my place of magic, since childhood, Shillong, back into the plains of hometown Guwahati. That day of  Louvre was a location, a position on a place, which is globally utterly famous, now more so, because of it's depiction in box office movies like The Da Vinci Code, The Edge of Tomorrow. But correspondingly, today, my journey finds me regressed back into the far backwaters of North Gwhy, Amingaon, engaging in this highly regressive narration, my luggage and stuff scattered away far and wide. Then was universal recognition, and today profound obscurity. To map todays activity of blogging, on the event map of my life would be next to impossible. Then, ultra retro 2009, was a moment located on a point of universal global recognition, the Louvre museum. Now, ultra retro, 2014, is an (in)voluntary moment of extreme obscurity, vagueness, abstraction. A sheer, and voluntarily enhanced, moment of theoretical narrative, nomadic, uprooted, non location, in between different territories, located on a point of unimaginable obscurity, non-cognition. As always, I find utmost satisfaction in being able to correspond that event of Louvre visit, with an equally inverted reversed moment of non event, lost territory, non place, of my "NOW" typing on this Macbook air, furtively borrowed from Kaushik Bhaumik.
THOSE days of Parisian trip, was so super light, OUT there, FAR and AWAY, Up and Above. Levitas, levitas, Levitas. THESE days of Hometwon trip, has been so super heavy, IN here, close, hidden, subterranean, visceral, uncomfortably WITHIN, inside the trappings of my own psyche, below and Beneath my own persona. What lies beneath. Within ourselves. Gravitas, Gravitas, Gravitas.

3rd July, 5:23 pm, today and four more days for the ultra retro phase to be over. I'm definitely narrating inconsistently this year. in fragments. the perfect way to do so, in this phase. of all things i was cleaning my account. i hardly check it. only to access to blogger. out of piled up mails, one from, something that i must have subscribed to read.. "He who kneels before God can stand before anyone!!".  something that i totally agree in relation to Lord Shanidev. those saturn ruled people who kneel, regress, bend backwards during saturn retrograde, can really move forward, once Saturn turns directional. i remember my paris trip of ultra retro 2009. By Now, today, i was completing the tour of Louvre museum, soaked up to the brim with the most unimaginable day of gorging on Classic master works, paintings, seen from childhood. satiated on art, was i, by this hour. maybe standing below the glass pyramid of the louvre. and today, on it's corresponding day, am trying to regress, empty, sort out, as much as possible. Hey, cheers, i just managed to sort out the last unread email on that account. i want to update, regress, regurgitate (chewing the cud) as much as possible.
7:41pm. sometimes I don't upload, but sometimes I overdo it. like now. feeling unbelievably restless. all the gravitas accumulated during ultra retrograde is getting transmuted into something. I was checking the last years final days of Ultra retrograde, and there was a lot of purging still going on. this time, comparatively, it has been very internal and quiet. A stillness, disconnection from everything and everybody. Isolated in an island, and oozing with restlessness and unease. time has actually become slower, in slow motion. increasingly  like walking through molasses, viscous fluid.
Brooding, Tensile, stagnant electricity
Also one strange inversion of that 2009 paris trip, currently I'm experiencing is highly libidinal. Everyone hyped up the expectation of Paris for me, saying it was the most romantic, sensual city in the world. And all that structuralist hype, phallocentric projection totally crushed my natural libidinal reserves. if anything at all, I found it extremely mystical, mental, cerebral. So correspondingly and inversely, right now I'm suddenly going through a outpouring of excessive libidinal outbursts. For no immediate and apparent external reason, but only, the hidden fact/ causation of that Solar structuralist violation of Ultra retro, 2009. There is this tangible, tensile, gnawing, brooding electricity, almost a conscious awareness of the Saturnine bowstring, pulled backwards to it's tensile limits, yearning, craving to be set free, unleashed loose. I can really describe it viscerally, personally, subjectively, ONLY during the brooding tension of saturn retrograde. As if, the External glamour/ internal Void of the Paris trip, has been replaced by it's corresponding symmetric inverse, that of External Void, stagnation and an internal flood-tide, overcharge, "sailaab" of emotions.  Obviously, in my natural, I'm more a free flowing, natural tripping, breezy guy. At least, when i'm left to my own devices. A natural state of mood, which is in stark contrast with this current strange sweaty humid tropical reptilian mood. where the glow of this borrowed Mac screen, reflecting on my clammy, reptilian face. Because of this somewhat intense nature of subjective description, I won't share it immediately on google+, as I'm usually inclined to do. Let the solitary reader unravel, and scroll down on their own initiative.
The outward/ spectacular Paris trip of Ultra retro 2009, has inverted/ reversed itself in a internal unfolding of inland waterways, personal backwater regressions. A fragmented unfolding of the psyche/ mind/ self. And if you're Sun ruled you should expect the reverse!!

Becomings/ Un-becomings
4th of july, friday. And early morning, just after awakening, finds me directly jumping into narrative, almost seamlessly, this process of unbecoming, unravelling of past few days. as if in direct opposition to the Paris becoming of Ultra retro 2009. Yes, by now, Thursday, 30th April, '09, the Paris trip had converted into an Paris becoming. I had begun, from this very morning, becoming one, fusing, melding, with the flow of Paris. The objective burden of the Louvre visit behind me (everyone having said: "you MUST visit the Louvre, especially YOU"). Synchronously my friend Nisha, shares a funny picture on Facebook.. of a cheesy local newspaper which goes so far as to announce a congratulatory note to a couple who have "successfully completed" their phoren australian honeymoon trip. This comic cheesy share, this cliche oozing pic, has magically inverted/ reversed itself into my current understanding the SEVERE FLAW of participating in the grand solar activity of the Forward Moving, globally accepted, highly endorsed, Universal Event of the Paris trip, DURING the unbecoming period of saturn retrograde. especially during it's Ultra Retro phase. Also, when retrograde is over, this current NEED for such deeply complicated overloaded, serpentine descriptions won't be necessary to conduct/ explain myself in the worldly realm.
The sheer heaviness of this Unbecoming process of the saturn ruled during saturn retrograde. For, Saturn is the highly worldly planet of becomings, material manifestations, actualization for all us Saturn ruled, the Saturnines. PROVIDED we wholeheartedly participate in the mandatory process of Unbecoming during saturn retrograde. Unravel the layers of our being, explore it's complex contradictions. voluntarily wallow in the backwaters.

Position v.s Momentum
4th july, 7;15 am, friday. Also, the Paris trip in Ultra Retro 2009, was an unusual period for me, as it represented a gap in my otherwise severe and prolific habit of daily journals. Except a hastily jotted down weird note, sitting in the Louvre, there are hardly any entries, only gaps left in the pages, to be filled up later. Pretty weird for a guy, who couldn't digest his food, unless the minutes of everyday were faithfully noted down in my endless journals. In fact, this necessary habit of mine has been undone in the saturn Retro 2012, where I actually discovered this process of daily writing to be retrograde. And by overdoing the descriptions, serpentine unravellings that Retro season, i did away with this habit, proceeding ahead to live and physically experience life, and not by the mandatory necessity by taking severe, acute scholarly notes, all the time. to live experientially. That's the Saturnine way!

Highly, Over-descriptive descriptions
Hence, the necessary compensatory activity for me, NOW, is for these severely, personal, subjective unravellings, expressed in volumes and volumes of words and descriptions, and multi layered analyses. to create this maps of positions, plotting every point. in the quantum expression, shunning movement, momentum, in lieu for position, plotting, theory. WHEREAS, Then, Paris was the ultimate, external, recognized, CENTRE/ location in the world. NOW, my notes, my current physical location, willfully muddled, obscured and unrecognised, un- endorsed, at the PERIFERRY, edge, fringes. And my internal self full of MOMENTUM/ movement, whereas NOW my internal self full of gravitas, theory, inward, regressive, un-becomings. Even these notes, writings, are on a blog, just as a sacrificial offering, for all those wishing to understand the laws of reversal during Saturn Retrograde. This mandatory, inward, complicated unravellings, musings during retrograde yields harvests of practical, worldly manifestations, free of necessary explanations, ONCE this ultra retro phase concludes. And, those having patience enough, would understand, that, my current ultra descriptive narration, highly influenced and reminiscent of my ever favorite Edgar Alan Poe, would realise that i'm often writing about the very writing process itself. describing the VERY process of description, narrating and explaining the Very process of narrative!!!! That's what i call saturnine deconstruction! Jai Shanidev!

Cathartic writing
The Sun being in my 12th house, in Virgo conjuncted with Mercury, gives me excellent descriptive, communicating skills, but alas of a cathartic nature. hence, my writing skills can only be used in the ideal form of catharsis, cleansing, compensation, voluntary sacrifice. This  is a truth I had to unravel during retro 2012, through a rigorous process of self examination, and analysis. And which (as I wrote in the previous post) of slowly doing away with writing, mandatory explanations, in lieu of the directly physical experience. Hence, this form of overly descriptive cathartic writing is highly placed during the cathartic phase of saturn retrograde.
.4th July, friday, 2014

Even though the blogging medium allows heavily updated posts to be easily scrolled down, but personally I felt too many layers/ concepts are going into this post. almost making it feel like a burgeoning vertical tower, on the teetering edge of collapse. hence, I'm cotinuing to the next post in continuation... 

(cont'd to next post)....

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Crucial Period: 13th June - 7th July

Dear friends, finally we have arrived at the final phase of the annual Saturn Retrograde 2014. This three week period from Friday the 13th June to Monday 7th July is very significant and crucial for BOTH the Sun ruled and Saturn ruled people. Our correct actions during this three week period can make a great difference for us for the next 1 year. So read properly, utilize this three weeks optimally, or be damned for all I care. I have done my karmic bit by this free service.

SUN ruled people: for these three weeks.. initiate things, Search for the NEW, screw the Past, the buffaloish inertia, Go For It, strike the iron while it's hot, focus on Progress, movement. Charge AHEAD! Even if the environment around you is discouraging, screw it, command your WILL to power! Choose action! For, You ARE the Hero/ Heroine. Stuff that movies are made on! This three weeks make you WHO you Are! Even and ESPECIALLY if it's "AGAINST all the Odds"(click this link to see video, morons)!
SATURN ruled people: (like myself)for these three weeks... Regress, Rewind, Retreat, Replay! Go BACK in time! Enter the PAST, into the Time Loop, that's been repeating Over and over again. Resurrect History, both personal and public. LOOK backwards! At the Ghosts/ Pasts/ "Bhutam" (sanskrit) that's been Hovering around. Watch this latetst Sci Fi movie, showing in the theaters Now, starring Tom Cruise..Edge Of Tomorrow (it's a movie)!! Understand that this three week period is a WINDOW to enter your PAST, and correct/ amend or at least Learn from HISTORY!

My own personal REGRESSION Rituals during Saturn Retrograde:
Being a Saturn ruled, I have always conducted elaborate Repetition rituals, Rewind rituals in such intensified periods of Saturn Retrograde. The level of Replay has been so evolved over the time, that in normal periods it is almost impossible to grasp the sheer magnitude of such rituals. But, yes, during such times, with the correct rituals, it's possible to actually REWIND, REPLAY and RELIVE our own Past histories, experiences and even work out their Pending issues! Glory be to Lord Shanidev for rewarding my almost lifetime research on saturn Retrograde with awesome insights about this crucial three week phase occurring every year!! Below, as a tribute to Shanidev,  I will illustrate, enumerate, elucidate, account, recount, my notes/ experiences of my own Regression rituals during this intense Saturn Retrograde period.

The unbelievable REVERSALS of Saturn Retro 2013 (post 66- 72)
  1. Post 66, Saturn Retro 2013: Falling Backwards in time
  2. Post 67, ...//....  Regression & REGRETS
  3. Post 68- ...//... Postmodern theory underlying Saturn Retrogade
  4. Post 69- ...//... REVERSING out my 2009 paris trip in Retro 2013
  5. Post 70- ...//... Utter and Complete Reverseal of the Paris Trip in Retro 2013
  6. Post 71- ...//.. Perfect REVERSAL of May Day in Paris 2009, in Ultra Retro 2013
  7. Post 72: ...//... Magical Reversal of Saturn Retrograde be it Shillong or Paris 
Updates of three week long "Ultra Retro", 2014
This year, 2014, in these three weeks of "ultra" period of 4.5 month long Saturn Retrograde, my ritual will be focussed on Replaying, Reversing NOT a far back period in time, but merely the week before, June 8th, Sunday- June 13th Friday, which comprised of our sudden trip to Two Chimneys Resort at Gethia, Uttaranchal to escape the scorching broiling Delhi heat. Why this period? Because, "randomly/ coincidentally", we reached back/ returned to Delhi after our brief five day vacation, on the very first morning of this three week Ultra Retro period, on Friday the 13th, June itself. And these approx Five days of Holiday in this period are too copincidentally close and analogous to to my Classical well referred tp Paris Trip in Ultra Retro 2009. And this time around, I reached back to ground Zero, well in time, to commence the rituals of repeat, replay, rewind, reversal and voluntary redemption! I will update below, in this very same post, for eases of future reference, access, etc. Cheers! Jai Shanidev. And like Tom Cruise in Edge of Tomorrow, may we manage to breach the Time Loop of karmic repetition!!

Past week 16th Jun, Monday- 20 Jun Friday
Comparing to last years massive/ humongous updates during Saturn Retrograde 2013, especially during the Crucial three week  period of "Ultra Retro" this year is almost nothing.
From the first day of Ultra Retro 2014, Friday the 13th Jun, I have the experienced the reversal, inversion/ regression so natural for a Saturn ruled, Saturnine person to be experienced during this period. I was literally moving backwards in time. But not too far back in time, like last year, Retro 2013, when my Paris trip of Ultra Retro 2009, was beiung reversed out. But rather, a day for day, shift for shift, reversal/ inversion of the week before, of our analogous/ concurrent five day trip to . r Two Chimneys Resort at Gethia, Nainital, to escape from the scorching Delhi heat.
Technically, I was BACK to ground zero, Delhi, on the very first day of the three week period of Ultra Retro. But a regression phase is a regression phase. It does reverse/ inverse our experiences. But, for the Sun ruled people around me, they were definitely blooming with Solar radiance all around.

 20 Jun Friday: "Different" versions of the "Same" movie..
Past two days, I was down with dehydration in this sheer Delhi heat. My constant obsession has been to watch the Late Night show of  the sci-fi action flick "Edge of Tomorrow" starring Tom Cruise currently running in the theaters. It's about Time Loops, Reversals, repetition so PEREFECTLY analogous to the Repetitive/ loop experiences of  Saturnine/ Saturn ruled during this annual three week period of Ultra Retro. Coincidentally, I ended up watching yet another strangely same sci fi action flick "Oblivion" starring Tom Cruise on Star movies. The ghostly repetition is evident here. Both cerebral sci fi action blockbusters, and both starring tom Cruise. Especially in Oblivion, there are versions of Tom Cruise in the end. Create by a giant Teta machine from outer space. And I feel that, even though I haven't been able to watch Edge of Tomorrow, I watched a version of it in Oblivion. Especially in this drowsy, spaced out dehydrated state. Talk about Repetition!!!!
If i manage to wartch Edge of Tomorrow, I will feel it's the same storyline/ series continuing from Oblivion itself. Both having HIGHLY retrograde/ regression themes as a part of the plot/ storyline.

21 Jun Saturday: Summer Solstice
Some of the main repeating experiences this past few days, as a Saturnine (Saturn ruled) person is that I'm feeling all walked over, depressed, deflated for no reason. Going into auto- regression, mulling, brooding, pondering, chewing the cud over numerous events, experiences, bitter sweet understandings, issues, old histories. One of the well timed retrograde updates by my friend Ravi Deka about Ghoulish holocaust of the Bengal Famine made me rewind the past horrors of history in great detail. Later I mixed some burnt leftover rice with onions to have meal in that mode, so aghast was I to read the details. Prayed my silent tribute by feeding crows, dogs in tribute to passed away hungry starved souls.

22 Jun Sunday: Combust or Retreat
Was out on a strange trip with my wife's elder sister, my sister in law, Mamoni b'dew. For furthering a marriage alliance of her nanad's daughter to a young business analyst in Gurgaon. That's pretty spaced out and far out for ME! Trying to dress in semi formals, yet wearing floppy floaters! Haha! Mamoni b'dew is a teacher in Army Public school, Jorhat, and has a pretty strong Sun. In service of the Sun/ Durga on Sunday morning. Later we came to Sarojini market in this scorching Delhi summer heat for her  random shopping trip. Burnt out/ scorched out, reached home. Now back to Electral water, so that i don't regress into recently recovered dehydration. On facebook a friend Anupal posted lines from Crying in the Rain , and I posted the youtube link for Crying in The Rain: A-Ha. An ad that I had composed music for, a prestigious ad starring Farhan Akhtar, was up on the air. And no great surprise, my music wasn't on it! What was there? The reference song track on which I'd worked on! At least, I got paid. This director calls for me, makes me compose, many times over, pays me. I wait with bated breath. Later, when the ad comes up, it's some other music. After sometime, he again calls me. And we repeat the process, all over again. Just like the trailer of Edge of Tomorrow. Live. Die. Repeat. All over and over. Again and again. That's what I call Perfect Saturn Retrograde!!! Either get combust by the Sun or Retreat/ Regress backwards. Or Repeat All over and over. Again and again.

24 Jun Tuesday: Voluntary Irresolution and Purging
Yesterday, Monday, was a repeat of dehydration, weakness, replayed all over in the perfect repeat/ replay/ rewind tradition of Saturn Retrograde. Yet, somehow i was on the move on various pending works. This year, over the past four months, I had not been so prolifically updating the minutes of of Saturn retrograde, as in comparison to the humongous updates of last year, 2013. But this three week concentrated/ intense phase of "Ultra Retro" finds me instinctively and seamlessly resurrecting in full glory, all the repeat/ replay/ rewind functions of Saturn Retrograde. It gently and inconspicuously started from Friday the 13th, and by today it already feels like years and years have passed by. Things have slowed down so much, grinded to a massive halt and then moving started moving backwards, in this very "short" period of time. Now, I currently find myself completely disoriented, disconnected, and completely off the track/ rails. Uprooted, and transplanted in some vague, nondescript nowhere land.  As if, the body was programmed to break down to this specific magnitude and degree, in this particular period of time. Endowing me just that precise dose of nebulous, disconnected haziness, necessary to experience, undergo and recount this 3 week phase of Ultra Retro. And the dreams.

Every night has been full of my nightmarish"temple hill" sequence, repeating consistently since childhood, in various forms and formats. Over the years, this nightmare has reduced over the years, which I correlate it with my own  reducing mountain/ hill of pending karma and unresolved karmic issues. However in regressive periods like Ultra Retro, this dream sequence resurrects with full force. As if it's force and magnitude lending credibility to it's function of expurgation/ purgative function for this acute 3 week period. And, I too experience it not as a nightmare, but even in my dream experience, there is some vague, minimal consciousness, awareness as regarding it's purgative, cleansing function. Some kind of subconscious surgery!!

I'm feeling weak, dehydrated, nebulous, hazy, blurred, edgy, nervous. A sense of foreboding gloom/ apprehension has cast its itself over me, as if in subconscious expectation of some looming catastrophe ahead. But this irresolution/ cloudiness is mandatory for Saturn ruled people, during this three week period. This is an appointed and allotted time for the Saturnine for regressing into irresolution. And, for the Sun ruled people, THIS is the window of opportunity to hurl themselves relentlessly into action, clarity, purpose. For my own Saturnine self, though I had recovered, the dehydration of past weak easily resurrected itself . As if to especially restate it's repeat/ replay/ rewind tradition function in this mind boggling heat of scorching Delhi summer. Today morning, while making tea, the milk churned into channa, curdled into sour water. I stopped halfway before it's complete and ghoulish transformation, and proceeded to have this sour, weird, concotion usually known as morning tea. Because I completely and utterly lacked the reserve of strength and fortitude to fetch some fresh milk and start all over again! This is what I call an effective purging.

Later I watched two sci-fi regression movies back to back. First was Edge Of Tomorrow stg. Tom Cruise. I've mentioned this movie above many times. In the movie, Tom Cruise dies in battle with Time warp cyborgs and stuck in a time loop, he repeats the same day over and over again. Until he meets Emily Blunt, who trains him and helps him get out of his predicament. Inspired by it, I watched yet another of my favorites, The Butterfly Effect stg. Aston Kuscher, who has the ability to revisit certain times from his childhood and make critical changes, which completely and utterly transform his present life. Thinking about the concepts of both movies, I found their concepts analogous to the process of regression, healing, etc. We revisit our pasts, resolve their current issues in the present. ONLY when we pay tribute to our pasts during strategic periods, do they help us clear our present. Hence, in that light, this current period of Saturn Retrograde is very vital for us, for providing us an window of opportunity to revisit/ rewind/ replay long crossed over bygone issues/ histories. But also repeat our nightmarish issues and exhaust and expunge them.

25 Jun Wednesday: Repeating/ Replaying History
Since Monday, I was supposed to leave somewhere, but my tickets had continually got unconfirmed, postponed, and today in the morning news, the same train, I was supposed to be traveling on, had an accident at Bihar. Check news: Rajdhani-express-derails-near-chhapra-in-bihar-railway-suspects-sabotage". Today whole day passed by in a dehydrated, in a state of zombie like limbo. No tickets confirmed, and mysteriously my dehydration resurrected again. Finally, the tickets were mailed to me for tomorrow morning and I'm traveling by the same train, which had the accident. The body was in a strange stupor, in a kind of dehydrated trance. Both movies have shown that much clearly,  that a state of haziness, disorientation, blurred shock, is a precursor, precondition of all regression. Either we are clear in our awareness of the present OR drowning in a half hazy state of nebulosity.
Merely, yesterdays journey postponed by one day, has seemed to stretch time into a indefinite stretch of limbo. Today, whole day drowned in a series of old reruns, endlessly one after another on TV. Drinking Electral water at regular intervals, neither moving anywhere, nor getting somewhere, just waiting seemingly endlessly! feeling so drained. Re-reading over these past sentences resplendent with all their human visceral ooze, makes me retrospect one singular fact. Over the years the necessity for regular expurgation of human visceral ooze, outpourings, writing in form of blog posts, ednless journals, has decreased over the years to this few random accounts DURING Saturn Retrograde. Thats called evolution in some way!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Retro 2014:07: Rajasic Solar phase 31st Mar - 15th April

Dear friends, as mentioned in the earlier posts, the annual 4.5 month period of Saturn Retrograde, represents a withdrawal, inversion, decreas of Saturn's effects. And thus represents a period of imbalance between Solar and Saturnine energies. During this period, the withdrawal of Saturnine energies, represent an overabundance of Solar/ Rajasic energies. And this abundance of Solar/ Rajasic energies is even more magnified by yet another additional prevailing Rajasic solar period: Chaitra Shukla Paksha from 31st Mar- 15th April. The first nine days of which are celebrated in India as Chaitra Vasant Navratri. The ninth day is Ram Navaratri, the birthday of Lord Rama, an avatar represents the apex and zenith of Solar energies.

This year, this highly Solar period of Chaitra Shukla Paksha begins from 31st March, Chaitra Pratipada, the first Moon, and concludes on Chaitra Purnima, full Moon on 15th April. From the very day of first Moon, there is a gradual increase of Solar/ Rajasic energies, day after preceding day, until the apex of Full Moon on 15th April. Check graph below, it represents an extra hump/ spike on the Orange phase of Increasing Retro.

For the Sun ruled people or people with negative Saturn, this period of  15 days of overabundance of Rajasic energies are ideal for all kinds of hyper accelerated breakthroughs, forward motion, progress, energy and enterprise. They are advised to utilize to use this period with the maximum forward motion possible, progressive activity.

However for the Saturnines, benefic Saturn people this period of  15 days brings all kinds of breakdowns, backward motion, retreat, lethargy, exasperation, feelings of futility and depression. It's a period of amplified and concentrated karmic cleansing for them. Every day might feel like a mountain to be crossed, the simplest of tasks might feel burdensome to the extreme. Their reserves of patience might be taxed to the extreme. Older topics and issues, forgotten ghosts of the past are often resurrected during this period, and they may have to address these issues once again. Physically, Saturnines have to guard their diet, and avoid all kinds of Rajasic, heat producing foods. Regressing and retreating as much as possible, they should try to stay away from all kinds of arguments, and debates.

Personally, being Saturnine, a Saturn ruled person, I have faced quite a lot of Karmic challenges these last three days since Sunday because of which even uploading this post itself was quite a task. As a part of the personal Karmic process, I will try to update this post by regular updates on this increasingly, super Rajasic/ Solar phase of next 14 days. A highly regressive, karmic, purging period for all us Saturnines. A period which we can maximise our personal Karmic cleansing by silence, retreat, and maximum regression.

Retro 2014:06: Karmic Concepts

As described in the earlier posts, when Saturn goes retrograde it's a karmic time for both Sun ruled and Saturnine people. This is when we have the opportunity to clear out, override pending mistakes of our past. Sun ruled people should do this by bringing clarity, sharp focus, determination to their lives, and Saturn ruled should by avoid all Solar aspects in their lives.
This is because all Sun ruled people, were once Saturnine beings in their past who had commited many Saturnine overindulgences. Hence during Saturn Retrograde, they should display extra focus, will, determination, strength, clarity, passion. Similarly, all Saturn ruled people, were once Solar Rajasic beings in their past who had committed many Rajasic, fiery, solar overindulgence. Hence during Saturn Retrograde, they should display extra reticence, reserve, patience, forbearance, indecision to make up for their former passionate Rajasic excesses.

Personally, I'm going through a mixture of extreme randomness, lassitude, lethargy, heaviness,  gravitas during these past few days. There were many a issues where I had to take a call, but I'm merely postponing such decisions of clarity for a later call. Regressing I am into former times and former issues wholeheartedly, pulling the Saturnine bowstring as far back as possible. As compared to annual Saturn Retrograde 2013, there are hardly any posts that I have uploaded. This is merely because of the sheer mood of Gravitas and Heaviness I'm going through me right now. In fact this time, I'm being able to exercise the function of regression far more wholeheartedly, a invaluable exercise for all Saturn ruled people, i.e, Saturnines during Saturn Retrograde. Now is not the time for clarity, realization, landmarks, banners, like how it is for those people with malefic Saturn, or powerful Sun. Those Saturnines, whose eye gaze crosses over these lines should read the earlier post also titled Heavier Concepts. For Saturnines, now is NOT the time for structures, or clarifications, or resolutions. Just drag on, from one point to the other, and don't fight the prevalent zombie like mood that you are right now in. Restrain yourselves from the temptation of passionate display.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Retro 2014:05: Heavier concepts

Today's 26th March, the 22nd day, of this 4.5 month annual Saturn Retrograde. And I begin this post by repeating myself, that Saturn Retrograde is a time for progression, conclusion, breakthrough for Sun ruled people. And a time for repeat, review, regression for us Saturn ruled people, the Saturnines!

Today, as a part of the regression process of Saturn retrograde, I unearthed my older journals on Saturn Retrograde. Sifting through endless pages of scrawly hand written of notes, I noted down, and sorted many of my insights and observations, and have decided to upload this to this post. After all, the endless pages of scrawly hand written philosophical notes/ observations of my journals are NOT on any web link! ;)  

          Greek Concepts of Harmonie and Diapherein.
a)   For the Sun ruled/ malefic Saturn people, Retrograde is a time for Harmonie- bringing together things, pulling together, synthesis, defining of Logos/ meaning, consolidation of issues, creating structures, integrating Verticality
b)    For the Saturnine people, Retrograde is a time for Diapherein: go through time, passages, undergo unfolding serpentine processes. To scatter, diffuse, breakdown, all their internal structures and strongholds, etc. Just to cross over from one state to the other, without great conclusions.

         Provisional and Conclusive aspects of Structure and Deconstruction
a)     For the Sun ruled/ malefic Saturn people, Retrograde is a time for conclusive actions, breakthroughs, decisive moves. To bring an "Aar ya paar" kind of  Closure! Finalization. Resolution. Acting decisively for closure on internal Self/ issues.
b)    For the Saturnine people, Retrograde is a time for provisional, inconclusive, temporal, processes. All conclusions arrived at now should be considered genuinely provisional. 
c)     For the Saturnine people, Retrograde is a time for Dissemination, the deconstructive term denoting the play between Surplus and Lack defining any object/ entity, with NO Prospect of ever stabilizing or Closing it.
d)    For the Saturnine people, Retrograde is a time for Dissemination without return, i.e, unending loops of interpretation and re-interpretation without return/ or closure. 

        Gravitas Ego and Super Ego
a)      For the Sun ruled/ malefic Saturn people, Retrograde is a time for defining Ego, taking stands, outward displays of Identity and individuality. They should aspire for dynamic movement, and for states of un-caged freedom.
b)    For the Saturnine people, Retrograde is a time for Gravitas. The Greeks associated Saturn with Gravitas (depth of personality). Gravitas is like a plumb line for the soul. And Saturn Retrograde is the ideal time to employ it. Basically, creating a way voluntarily, and welcoming the effects of Depression.
d)    As Thomas Moore in Planets Retrograde says.. “ Feeling low and Heavy, we are forced to turning inward, turning to fantasy, inner space, darkness, void. Rather than turning to the Literal action of the Ego. Retrograde is time for Inner contradictions, and NOT outward displays of Ego.
f)     For the Saturnine people, Retrograde is a time for exploring and experiencing inner doubts, complexities, complexities, frustrations, personality flaws, lackings, idiosyncracies and brooding thoughts. A time for descending deep into the depths of the subconscious, to retreat, withdrawal, deep into oneself.
h)    For the Saturnine people, if Gravitas isn’t used during Saturn retrograde, by welcoming the effects of depression that facilitates the process, then this force turns against us and becomes tyrannical as the SUPER EGO. Unutilized gravitas becomes Super Ego. This   SUPER EGO is part of the psyche comprised of internalized voice of our parents. Critical admonishments that control us by belittling us and bringing attention to our shortcomings. The harsh words of our inner critic.   Once the SUPER EGO is activated, it’s very Hard to accomplish anything in life. We’re infantilized, cut off from the powers of our adulthood. We tend to freeze and venture nothing. We remain stalled and floundering in our depressive state.
k)    Thus For the Saturnine people, ONLY if we use Gravitas throughout the Saturn retro period, does Super Ego diminish and and let us progress, evolve, at the rate of growth that is warranted upon us.   If we don’t utilize Gravitas, we are at the mercy of Super Ego throughout directional Saturn. Becoming cocooned, infantilized, cut off from adult hood, freezing in paralysis, venturing nothing, ever. Using Gravitas excessively during Saturn Retrograde is the only way for Saturnines to free themselves from the dominion of the Super Ego!