Saturday, July 5, 2014

Ultra Retro 2014 continued, part 2

... (cont'd from  previous post) ...

The Noise of Retrograde Writing
5th July, 2014: So the narrative of Saturn retrograde's Ultra Retro phase, an acute phase of retrograde energies continues on. I type here in black and white and it gets posted in my blog in purple letters in a black background. The instant transformation of the narrative account of recording history. The layers and layers of words sacrificed in description of Saturn retrograde, seem to have simply diminished into this tapestry of purple letters floating in the black, night sky background. So many layers of descriptions, narratives, about/ on Saturn Retrograde. Instantly fossilizing and freezing into ancient relics on stone. must be the most deconstructive, dissemination of writing ever. Like, how Derrida describes in ON Grammatology, about the act of writing. One hand is writing out the letters, and the other hand continually erasing them, in one constant motion. So many personal thoughts, visceral oozing, private, visceral, nightmarish emotions. All but instantly frozen in this purple black blog, to be forgotten forever. The erasure of writing, of deconstruction, in action. The domains of virtual, theoretical, inward, thought. Ideas for ideating itself. Dissemination, a dispersal, a seeding that bears no fruit. Purple word floating like ghosts, in a starry black background of this blog.

The Primordial Noise
I tried to read the previous posts on Ultra retro, and I couldn't read or understand anything. So very dense, outpouring of words. Like a madman's rupture, everything flowing all at once. So much theory, direct narration, direct uploading, instant expression. Accurate, honest, instant digital snaps/ images/ narratives, but too much of it! So everything disappearing into background noise. I quote Zizek in his book Metastases of Taste describing the background noise in the films of David Lynch... "The modern notion of the 'open' universe is based on the hypotheses that every positive entity (noifo, matter) occupies some empty space. But the primordial nose, which is the last remainder of the Big Bang, is part of space itself. It is not a noise in space, but a noise that keeps space itself open. If we were to erase this 'noise' we would not get empty space that the noise filled out. space itself would vanish. This is the noise of the sound of silence. The fundamental noise in Lynch's films is not simply caused by objects, but rather this noise forms the ontological horizon, the frame of reality itself. the very texture that holds reality together. If this noise were to be eradicated, reality itself would collapse". This fundamental noise, the noise of the void, that exists even prior to empty space itself is Ketu energy, or Dhumavati the void. Dhumavati the void/ noise exists even prior to Bhubaneswari the space. I have Ketu conjunct Saturn in my 9th house of Karma. saturn keeps debilitated Ketu in somewhat check, but during annual Saturn Retrograde, saturn's powers are inverted/ withdrawn, and this primordial noise comes to full bloom. This visceral underlying karmic chaos is ordinarily checked by Shanidev, but not during the Retrograde phase of Saturn.
All these conceptions of Dhumavati, Ketu, Bhubaneswari, all are coming to me in this inner meditation, stagnation, extreme regression of Saturn retrograde. In Ultra Retro, 2009, all awareness, underlying insights had been sacrificed for pure glee of unrestricted heavenly movement in Paris. And in this Ultra Retro, today, movement has been postponed and I'm drowning in lethargy, and this sacrificed movement/ motion has been exchanged by the grace of Shanidev with spontaneous insights/ observations/ philosophy/ and knowledge. Jai Shanidev.

5th July, Saturday, 11:09 pm: The second half of the day was so utterly empty, unimaginably quiet, unravelling. As if in a great force to inverse/ itself to it's corresponding eventful second half, of Mayday, Ultra Retro 2009. The rush and drive of adrenalin of that time, seem to have completely reversed itself in my current state of inertia, lethargy, and sheer stagnation. That state of of 1st May, 2009, Ultra Retro's maximum movement and minimum thought has completely inverted itself in it's corresponding day today, where I'm drowning in maximum thought and almost next to zero movement. In fact, am drowning in an endless layer of thoughts, readings, writings, analyses, investigations, ruminations, second thoughts, third thoughts, thoughts of thoughts, analysis of analyses! A far cry, and diametrically opposite reversal of Mayday at Paris, Ultra retro, 2009. A day full of incredibly bustling events, carnivals, demonstrations, movements, adrenaline rushes, et all. And, in contrast, today i sink in eternal solitude, stillness, quietude, frozen in exile, postponement of action indefinitely. But deep inside even though not viscerally, there's an internal satisfaction of the saturnine function of things being fruitfully fulfilled in this acute phase of Ultra retro 2014. unlike the in-voluntary gross mistakes of Ultra Retro 2009. Then, was a day of unforeseen activity, movement, unbelievable adrenalin rush, unimaginable centre of energy and vortex on a global scale. Now, was a day of unforeseen stagnation, fossilized stillness, an unbelievable stupor of lethargy, cast out in an unimaginable far off margin of void, stillness and despondent gloom, in a narrow swampy corner of personal backwaters. Lord Shanidev having done his laws of reversal, I've merely to write the description of Ultra retro 2009, copy paste the sentence, and reverse the words to their opposite antonyms, to get an exact description of this current time of Ultra retro 2014. Magical reversals of the Ultra retro phase!

11:28 p.m, Then, i drowned, immersed myself completely and whole heartedly in movement, action, and external exploration. Now, I'm drowned, and immersed completely and whole heartedly in stagnation, thought, inward regression and internal exploration. By this late hour, then, I must have been exhausted but still, being the last night in Paris, still in a rush of great adrenalin, energetically set out for photographing the night streets of Paris. Today, by this late hour, I'm so utterly restless, quivering and oozing from ultra restless energies. Yet, I'm strangely exhausted, drained from all these internal, regressive, restrictive energies. Just somehow, waiting to cross and wrap up this long and exhausting unfolding process of Ultra Retro 2014. Then, Mayday 2009, whole day, I was in movement, yet at night, out for a last campaign of exploration. Now, 2014, whole day I was in sheer stagnation, yet at night, strangely exhausted, heavy, and drowning in lethargy!!! Inversions, inversions!

SUPERGO and the ID: That Mayday night, 2009, in Paris, I was out, on Parisian streets, clicking endless photographs of Friday night. I was the Dionysian reveler, enthralled in the throes of a primal exploratory rush, a hunger to capture and preserve the fleeting moments of opportunity rapidly passing by. My Ego was completely bypassed by the full adrenalin rush and full activation of the Id, the hungry Dionysian impulse. Tonight, correspondingly and inversely, I'm inside, in this chamber, reading, studying, collecting data, potential energy, personal thoughts, voluntarily cut off from everything and everybody. Letting the postpone activity slide by, dwelling inwards. A strange inertial compulsion, almost obscene desire to follow through the regime of stagnation, compression, restriction to submit to the Supergo of restrictive discipline. The voice of the Superego which holds us in control. Submit to the strange and uncalled for potential of the parental, restrictive voice of the Superego, dwelling within each one of us. and for me, this Superego, is currently multiplied manifolds, because of Ultra retro energies.

6th July Sunday.  That corresponding day of Ultra Retro namely 2nd May 2009 was our last day in Paris. a day of ultra movement of seizing the last few drops of this magical Roman holiday.  Conversely, this Now/ today was a great downslide into extreme stagnation. And strange desperation inverse of the positive desparation of 2009. Desparation inversed!!
Later as we made our way to the airport to return home, a strange desperation and foul mood cast itself over us. And that brooding void that long journey to the airport has been
 recorded as the main theme footage of my film After Paris. Somehow even amidst the sourbitter mood I had the presence of mind to record ourselves. For wwhat would become the inspiring and core footage for what was to become an entire film over the course of years. Inversely, conversely, in the later part of today, I was taken by Adil to a food festival at Last gate field, , six miles. The stall owners were Adils friend and we even donated the crabs earlier bought at the Sunday Beltola bazaar. As opposed to the sheer and acute void of that return trip,  here I was drowning in major luscious ness, abundance, magical Dionysian reverly in the oozing jouissance of magical home town Guwahati,  maybe the theme of my next pic, if heaven permits. We were joined by Childhood friend Sanjit and what turned into a sheer visceral magical evening.
Later in 2nd May 2009, as we finally boarded the flight after a dark, brooding, void, foul,  sour bitter mood ( all faithfully recorded), the temporary anti gravity was re established. Conversely now, Sunday, we were a bit in gutter level gravitas of home town Guwahati.

7th July,  2014. Hopefully the last day of Ultra Retro 2014. In ultra Retro 2009, on the corresponding last day of Ultra Retro,  3rd May whole day we were transitting thru Dubai airport,  before finally reaching New Delhi at 5pm.  Today in inverse in the raw, visceral, ambience of backwaters of home town Guwahati.  Dubai airport artificially airconditioned was the only saving grace against the ghoulish desert outside.  In converse the a/c in my friends room was a bit too much even if to fight the humidity.  I was sniffling with a cold. Dubai in contrast to the Parisian trip felt so suspended and virtual.  And now this morning waking up at Bishnu Rabha path feels so visceral. Raw beyond imagining. And on the news, some extremely viscreal live footage. Of peoples illegal housing around Bharalu river being demolished by GMC, police, army. This is a necessary moved to decongest the Bharalu river causing floods in the city. Yet this visceral Raw mega drama around Bharalu river at hometown guwahati isso oozing human vvisceral  turbulence as opposed to the sterile, contained ambience of Dubai airport. The Saturnine contrast is so magical.  Also yesternight I went to meet childhood friend Baba at his Gwhy club adda, who was evasive and later smsd me an accusatory message also indicating end of friend ship. Today I, m trying to flush it out of my system,  emotionally. Yet in 3rd May I was trying desparately to HANG ON TO the Parisian trip. To the residues of an unimaginably magical Trip. And NOW here I am, trying desparately to get over an unimaginable and nightmarish period. Also, in Dubai airport I was still abstaining from my then prolific habit of journal writing.  Some how trying desparately to HANG ON to the Parisian state of mind!!!! And NOW here I am trying desparately to ooze out thru cathartic writing,  the last vestiges of this ghoulish and Dis-real unbecoming. I borrowed my friend s tab and debarring him from calls, typing letter by singular letter in my long lost forgotten habit of retrograde blogging. Adim 2009 roaming thru Dubai airport trying to spend the last remaining EURos  at the airport shops. Remember having bought Hits of Stevie Wonder and Chicago. Adim 2014 having strong haldi daal in backwaters of Hometown Guwahati sitting in a corner typing out the words of this narrative letter by singular letter. THEN 2009 was a havenly weather artificial ly maintained from the ghoulish desert heat outside. NOW 2014 It's raining outside and the lighting is magical but I'm inside in the shadowy lair churning out my guts.

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